With Motherhood Comes Worry

Motherhood can be described in so many words. So many joyous words. One word that I have talked about so often is the worry. I learned that a Mom begins to worry after she learns that she is expecting. My worry falls nothing short of constant. When I first found out we were expecting our first baby I was overjoyed but I also found myself worrying that he or she would be healthy, worrying that my body would be able to carry her to full term, worrying about every little pinch or pain that came along with pregnancy. When our baby arrived that worry did not stop...it continued but it's different now.

A few weeks ago, on one of the first nicer days, I took Stella to the park in town. It was during Spring break so there were other kiddies running and playing. Stella was by far the youngest one there. When we first got there I took Stella out of the stroller expecting her to take off and run to something colorful like the jungle gym or slide. Instead she stood still taking it all in. She watched all of the kids running and yelling. I just stood back (figuratively speaking) and watched her. I watched her expressions, her body language, and heard anything that she had to say. The other kids were whizzing by her as if she wasn't even standing there; some close to even knocking her down- not purposefully of course.  And it got me thinking, well worrying....

what if she doesn't make friends when she goes to school?

what if the kids pick on her in school?

what if something happens in school and i'm not there to help her?

what if she doesn't like school or want to go to school?

what if the kids don't want to play with her on the playground or be her partner in class?

what if she doesn't get invited to 'that' birthday party?

Ultimately one would say screw the others and it doesn't matter what they think. But, truth is (and being a teacher before, i can say this) kids can be flat out mean. Ruthless little shits. I want to teach my daughter to have that thick skin; to be able to brush those invaluable things off. To really know what matters. 

And really deep down inside, all I really want for Stella is for her to love herself, have and show off that confidence in herself, be proud of herself, and see beauty in all of the things that she does. I want her to know that she is loved dearly, even though the world can be cruel at times. 

Stella darling....

   Momma and Daddy will always love you, be here for you and do anything in our power for you. You will learn to love yourself for who you are. You are one beautiful, smart, kind, and loving little girl. Nobody will ever take that away from you.