Unconditional Love

Motherhood exposes so many emotions. But the unconditional love that these littles have for me..no words can ever express how that makes me feel. On the worst of worst days when I just need an effing 30 second break-even if it's in the bathroom they love me the same. When my patients are pushed to the limits and tried in every sense, and sometimes they even get the best of me- these two still love me for me, still need me, and still want me. And my unconditional love for them is no different. Motherhood can frustrate me, make me cry, and even make me mad sometimes and my love for them is still endless and so full. that comes with the motherhood territory, I know. Those days where my patients are pushed to the limits and get the best of me are the days that I go to bed feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for yelling, feeling guilty for not telling them I love them that thousandth time, for not hugging them a little bit tighter. These are the nights that I just want to go wake them up after they have gone to bed and squeeze them so tight. Ahh- motherhood.

 

To be able to share this unconditional love with my littles makes me feel so lucky and so rich in love. These two make my heart feel full. I want my kids to go to bed every single night feeling loved and cherished and I want them to always know the pride I have in them.

 

I truly am thankful for even the rough days. Because of those days, I am a better Mommy. They make me want to be better, love more if that's possible. As much as they need me, even if it is sometimes just for my boobie juice, I need them more.

 

This unconditional love that them and I share can never compare to the amount of stars in the sky, or the waves in the sea. It makes being a Mommy simply amazing. These truly are the days.

 

 

Snowed In

 

There is something comforting about all being home, knowing when we woke up the next morning that we were going to be snowed in. Between Thursday and Friday we took trips to the food store to stock up the pantry as well as ran a few other errands. food-check, booze-check, wood-check. all that was left was the snow. Rick and I were so excited to see Stella's reaction to the white wonderland that we were about to get. honest truth- it made bedtime on Friday night a bit easier. She knew when she woke up Saturday morning there was going to be snow on the ground.  And Saturday morning didn't disappoint; she was amazed to say the least! Holy snow!!

Stella would have spent every second of every minute of every hour in the snow if we let her. She loved it. I'm not sure how many handfuls she ate but I definitely lost count. Mother of the year over here forgot to buy her a sled. yep. I totally suck. So we tried to improvise-but had no luck. The metal trash can lid with a tow rope just didn't cut it. We ended up tying the tow rope to her crazy coupe car and did a few donuts and crazy pulls in the snow. happy toddler.

 

 

 

 

 

I forgot how much energy and time it takes to get a toddler dressed and ready to go outside in the snow. Layers upon layers. I just kept seeing my laundry pile multiplying before my eyes. And I was reminded that this is the time of year where we find ourselves beginning to strip down our clothes before we are all the way in the house. The piles of boots, mittens, coats and snow pants by the doors grew and grew. Playing in the snow, coming in for a short break, hanging the wet things to dry before heading out again all brought back so many childhood memories.

 

In between frolicking in the snow Stella and I had to give the new oven a go with a batch of Valentine's Day cupcakes. 

 

and we also made snow ice cream.

 1 cup of milk

1/3 cup of sugar

1 teaspoon of vanilla

pinch of salt

8 cups of CLEAN snow

 

two bowls, two spoons and two hungry mouths :)

 

The perfect end to a snowy kind of weekend- football playoffs with this little babe.

 

 



Unrelated Title but Getting Ready for the Snow!

making// Stella has been spending so much time in her play kitchen. She is always asking, Rick, Ricky or I to taste what she has made. Ricky will open his mouth to almost any spoon that Stella puts near it. She likes to make beer soup (yep- mother of the year.), pizza soup that she cooks in her microwave for 2 minutes-fastest soup ever!, and can't forget the boobie milk soup. Yea, I guess she likes to cook soup.

drinking// Mommy's choice of evening drink lately? Sam Adams Cold Snap- in a frosty mug please ;) Stella has been downing the Vitamin C.

reading// nothing...just sayin'

watching// totally hooked on Nurse Jackie! Another guilty pleasure- Teen Mom is back on with a new season ;) I love when I have things on my DVR to watch since I almost NEVER watch them when they are actually airing. I am either playing play-doh, cooking in Stella's play kitchen or being checked out by Doctor Stella!

eating//  our dinner menu lately has been recipes that can either be cooked stove top or in the crock pot since our oven was a no go. (side note: it was finally delivered yesterday! So yes- Valentine's Day cupcakes are on our menu for today) Stew, Soups, burrito in a bowl, pasta and meatballs have all been on the menu lately. Ricky's menu: butternut squash, peas and sweet potato. A post all about his eating experience coming soon. 

smelling// freshly bathed babies. Cold days call for extra long morning/afternoon tub time! Still swooning over the Shea Moisture baby bath and lotion. The smell is to die for!

enjoying// just being home with my two littles every day. 

loving// Matching Mommy's new ballet flats  and Stella's new ballet flats! Stella was under the weather in this picture but I blow dried her hair after her bath the other day.... <3 My little blondie. 

hoping//  to break in Stella's new snow boots this weekend in all this snow we are suppose to get! She is going to freakin' love it!

needing// a damn hair cut. Totally having that postpartum hair loss- clumps at a time. Need a fresh cut over here! Stella has this hair phobia too just like Rick. I swear when she finds a piece of my hair anywhere near her- it's like she is touching a pile of dog shit. She won't step foot in the shower if there is a single strand of hair stuck on the drain. Hmm..toddler problems. 

wearing// new Valentine's Day jammies. Not sure why but ever since Stella was born I get so excited to put new jammies on them. Especially right after a bath. I love buying them cute clothes, but their is something about jammies- coordinating and/or holiday jammies especially!

when did he get so big?! 

#ladiesman? It should say #mommy'sman!

bookmarking// time to find new recipes for the new oven ;)

and looking forward to//  being snowed in this weekend with the hubs and babes :) I am thinkin' roasted smore's in the wood stove and root beer floats in frosty mugs. 

And just because babies in hats are soo cute....

Back In Our Jammies

Well it looks like we are back in our jammies, housebound for the next few days again. Stella took a few steps back this weekend. I thought we were on the mend last week, but I couldn't of been more wrong. This weekend her fever spiked back up, she woke up Friday after her nap with a horrible cough and a squeeky voice. Both led to a nurse call and then a Sunday morning visit to the doctor. She cried the entire way to the doctors office- she was crying that she was cold and she kept scooching down in her seat as far as she could. Just as I was about to turn into the parking lot- it was projectile vomit! I felt so bad for her; she was covered and so was her seat and the back of the truck seat that her feet rested on! Thank goodness for the spare jacket and blanket in my truck as well as the spare clothes I had. I striped her jacket off and wrapped her in the spare coat and blanket and carried her into the doctors. I took her right to the bathroom and tried to wipe down her hair, face, neck and hands as much as I could. I went through every single wipe that I had. Damn you virus! I hate those words from the doctors mouth "it just needs to run it's course." Grr... and damn you car seat! I knew I was in for another battle against that vomit smell on the seat. Momma-2 Carseat-0! After an afternoon spent scrubbing the shit out of it with an old toothbush and dawn, it's as good as new. While I cleaned one- I also cleaned the other one from Rick's truck that we will use for Ricky when is ready to make the transition. Little monster is getting heavy in the infant seat. 

So here we are Monday morning, back in our jammies, snuggling up, playing every game in the playroom a thousand times. I wanted so bad to put Stella's snow pants and boots on and let her play in the dusting of snow that we got. we will just have to wait until next time. 

You know this little one isn't feeling well when you find her snuggled up next to one of us sound asleep on the couch- that happened more than once this weekend. She is miss independent these days and almost never snuggles up to sleep or slow down for that matter. She is forever on the go, going a million miles a minute. I looked at Rick yesterday when she was cozied up close to him snoozing to bank those snuggles because they don't happen often and one day we will be wishing for them.

On the Mend- Our Week So Far

The kids are in jammies every clip in this video and that kind of explains our week so far. We haven't left the house this week except for one quick trip to the market for a few ingredients for dinner; even then I felt bad taking them out. One- it is freaking cold outside and two Stella has been under the weather. she is on the mend now thank goodness.  Stella came down with something last Friday- fever, aches, pail skin color. Her fever actually spiked over 103 Friday night at 2 a.m in which I called the Medical Center. A few days later and here we are- it's all just draining now. I have been wiping and sucking endless snot. Ha- the joys of motherhood ;) I thought for sure Ricky was going to get what Stella had since she can't stay out if his face. When she talks to him she feels the need to be right up in his personal space and when I would tell her to back up a bit she would have a meltdown. Stella is ultra sensitive when she doesn't feel well- you can look at her wrong and she will cry. Anyway, we are getting back to normal over here. Do I dare speak of this, I really don't want to jinx myself but Ricky's sleep is back to normal as well. Last week's sleep flat out sucked! He is back to sleeping through the night (7:30-6:30) or waking once a night to eat. And since I am not a walking zombie I have been able to check off a few of my to do things around here:  Shower- haha kidding- not really, I cleaned out Rick and I's closet! That was a biggie! I have a few large black trash bags full of clothes to donate and a couple bags full of trash! I had no clue their was so much unnecessary shit in there! That may be only thing I get done this week- and I am totally cool with that. A clean and organized closet makes for a productive week. 

So here is just a short video of snippets from our week so far. I have really been enjoying capturing quick moments of them in action. The videos aren't the best of quality and I am still tinkering and learning to merge the short videos and editing them. But for now they'll do :)

Thank God It's Friday

Seriously, is it the weekend yet? Because I am tapping out. This has been that kind of week. So it seems not only is Ricky on strike with bottles but sleeping at night also. He has been going down normal time with little fight and sleeping until midnight. When the clock strikes midnight...apparently it's time to party nurse, nurse and nurse some more. Sleep was limited this week- I even kept telling myself get them to bed early and do the same to get in some zzz's before the clock strikes. But really, you know how that goes. As tired as I was, I found myself scrubbing my carpet shampooer until it looked brand spanking new (because really is there a better time to do this?), standing in a long hot shower way past my bedtime or scrolling pinterest looking for some new recipes that clearly don't require an oven because our new one isn't arriving until the end of the month...WTF?! Stella had more days then not with no nap this week, and the days that she did nap I swear her and Ricky planned the timing. let's screw with mommy. As I would walk up the stairs to put Stella in her bed, I literally crossed the hall to get Ricky out of his crib. And not sure but found myself washing more Minnie undies this week then ever before because I was down to one pair some days. 

As far as Ricky's sleep goes, my guess is it's a mixture of teething because he can't shove his hands any further in his mouth and he is hitting a growth spurt. These too shall pass. 

Stella accidentally dropped the night time bottle. I say accidentally because she had one bottle that she drank from every night. those damn Dr. Brown bottles- I would have a stare down with that bottle all day telling myself "i'll wash it later" because washing a bottle with 5 parts blows. When Stella would ask for her night cap, I would find that damn bottle in the sink needing to be washed kicking myself in the ass for not washing it earlier! Anyway, that bottle finally needed to be replaced and we bought her a new one- same kind but apparently they changed a few things, updates I guess. When we gave her the new bottle full of milk- "Mommy I no like. Want new milk." Long story short- she still hates the new bottle, old bottle is already in some landfill and she has chosen her kitty cup instead. Downfall to all this? The bottle would take her longer to drink and would settle her down into sleepy mode where the cup she sucks down like a camel and thinks it's time to play again. Therefore, bedtime this week has been a struggle. Rick and I tried beginning our bedtime routine sooner each night trying to have her in bed at her bedtime- it was a fail; except for last night. Pure bribery- "we'll do play-doh and surprise eggs as soon as you wake up if you go night night." ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Guess I should get the play-doh ready because I can guarantee it will be the first thing she asks for when she wakes up. 

As happy as I was when both were fresh asleep in there beds and I knew I had a few hours until my little monster would wake up- I still missed there little bodies like crazy. 

So, is it the weekend yet? Momma needs a restart. Momma needs a shower that follows with some make up, a hair dry and style and to actually get dressed. I have looked like a hot mess all week. 

And for the record last weekend I put one thing on my to do list for the week and that was to clean out Rick and I's closet....Yea, that definitely didn't happen. 

Cheers to it being Friday. 

#motherhood 

#istherearestartbutton

No New Year Goals This Year

Raising littles is by far the most important, exhausting, rewarding, tiring, fulfilling, did I say tiring task. Everything that I do, say, plan, is with them in mind. Can she reach this? Can I eat this since Ricky can't have dairy? Will I be back in time for Ricky to eat? Should I pack them lunch/dinner? Can I nurse in this shirt? Did she hear me say that? Do I have extra diapers and wipes? Do I have emergency snacks in my bag? Do I have extra wine for tonight ;) 

And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

So as far as new year goals this year; my goal is to make no goals. Let's be real here, I probably won't stick to them anyway. As long as my kids go to sleep full, warm, cozy, loved and happy that is more than enough for me; more than I will get out of achieving any goal. My goal everyday this new year is my kids. They are this age once and I need to embrace every moment I can with them. Loving my kids is a goal I know for sure that I can won't let slip through the cracks. 

Happy New Years 2016! 

Toddler Tales

Since Ricky is on strike with the bottle lately, I don't pump as much. I only find myself pumping an ounce or two just for his dinner. I use the pumped milk to prepare his cereal and thin out his sweet potato. Why does this have anything to do with toddler tales? Well, this gal doesn't miss a beat. 

The other day she asked me to give her a bottle so she can feed her baby; so I gave her one on my 4 ounce bottles that I use to pump my milk into. Of course an empty bottle wasn't good enough and she had me add a bit of water to it. A few moments later I look over at her and I see she had unzipped her jammies and had the bottle pressed up against her chest. I asked her what she was doing..."I pumpin to feed baby." I nearly lost it. true story- can't make this shit up. 

She has an incredible imagination and loves to play pretend with her babies. She wraps her babies up, puts them to sleep in Ricky's car seat or swing and tells me to be quiet and tiptoe since her baby is sleeping. wish she would listen to her own rules when Ricky is sleeping. Not long after she puts her baby to sleep she yells "oh no! I hear her, I go check on her, see she okay!" She then proceeds to change baby's diaper "Oohh poopie in there, baby need medicine for her butt; her butt hurt." She dabs her finger in the lotion and wipes it on baby's butt... "all better baby!" I have definitely found myself picking off the top of the garbage when I noticed she was using Ricky's diapers for her baby. One quick poop from her baby and the diaper would be in the trash. honey they are way too expensive to be wasting. I have also found her baby's clothes in my kitchen sink because I was told I had to wash them since baby pooped in them. She nurses her baby, rocks her baby, takes her baby shopping in her shopping cart and clips baby's finger nails when they get long. 

God I love her. She makes my world go round. 

baby girl, you have one hell of an imagination. 

Happy 5 Months Ricky

Dear Ricky,

Lately I find myself just staring at you and welling up in tears. Happy tears because you are so perfect and you are mine. I love you something fierce. I am so happy and humbled that I was chosen to be your Mommy and you were chosen to be my baby boy. All of those late night trips to your room, giving my all to console those inconsolable moments, wanting to coddle you every single moment that I get just make me feel 'lucky' and grateful because you are here with me. You are a beautiful spitting image of your Daddy. I love every piece of you. Your sweet chubby hands are my absolute favorite (those chubby thighs are also tied for first!). Not just because of those perfect dimples but the way you grab my face with them when I move close into yours, and the way you grip my fingers tightly when you are sleepy and pull my hands close to your face (as if you don't want me to let go) all make my heart feel so full. Those little gestures remind me how much you love me. I am learning more and more about your personality each and every day. It doesn't take much to make you smile, you get so frustrated very quickly, you just love attention, you love to be naked, and you are so ticklish- we will do anything to hear those sweet giggles. Ricky, you are such a special gift and I promise to enjoy, love and care for you every day that I am breathing and I will never take a single moment for granted. 

All my Love.

Mommy

Weight: 3 weeks ago you weighed 17lbs 9 ounces- so i'm guessing somewhere around 18 lbs. 

Height: 

Head Circumference:  

Appetite:  You continue to be a great eater! You are eating about 4-6 ounces every 3-4 hours; same as last month. It takes you no longer than 15 minutes to nurse until empty. You usually wake up once a night to nurse. You have began solids and have your one meal at dinner time. We began feeding you the organic earths best multigrain baby cereal (a combo of oatmeal, spelt and barley) and like I thought it made you more gassy than you already are. So I gave the cereal and rest and jumped to butternut squash! To say that you love it, is an understatement! You simply can't get enough. I slowly started adding small amounts of the cereal back into the squash. Butnut squash is the only veggie that you have tried so far. 

Clothing Size: You are currently wearing 6-12 month clothing and you are in size 2 diapers.

Milestones: So much has changed in such a small period of time. Let's see- you are now sitting up with little support, you found those yummy toes and constantly want to grab them and hold onto them, your hand/eye coordination is great- you are grabbing things and putting them right into your mouth, and you are jumping like crazy in the jumper!  And probably most exciting: you have began eating solids.

Thoughts:  So thankful for you. 

Our routine:   Lately you have been waking up around 6:30ish(with smiles!!) and I feed you(around 7:00) while Stella is still asleep and we are still in bed. I just love this one on one snuggle time that we share. After you are done eating Stella is usually waking up for the day as well. We head out to the living room so you can play on your play mat and stretch a bit or jump around in your jumper. You play until about 8:30ish and then take your first nap. You nurse again around 10:30ish and if it is bath day you take your morning bath after this feeding. Your next nap is around 11:30ish. With play and sleep in between your feedings are around 2ish, solids for dinner around 5ish and your last feeding is around 7:30p.m. and are in your crib around 8:00.  You sometimes take a short nap in your swing around dinner time. I then settle you down for bed.  I stopped the dreamfeed and just let you sleep.  You typically wake once a night to eat between 1 and 2.  

Big changes: You are now sleeping in your crib and you love it! The transition from the rock and play in our room to the crib in your own nursery was way easier than I was anticipating. ( it was quite the battle with Stella) You are sleeping more soundly and look so peaceful as I watch you on the monitor. You did sleep through the night 5 nights in a row! Then the 4 month sleep regression hit! I swear it's a real thing; and you are back to waking for one feeding in the night. You love to be swaddled and you hold onto your blankie tight with your left hand as it touches the side of your face. 

It seems that you are on strike when it comes to drinking from a bottle! You will cry scream of hunger, and stay hungry rather than drink from a bottle. We have tried a variety of bottles and have tried having other people feed you the bottle- no luck! We are hoping that it is just a phase and it will pass. 

Your favorites: Some of your favorites at the moments are:

1. to be held and still being carried in the solly wrap

2. bathtime- especially chewing and sucking on the washcloth. 

3. being naked

4. dinner time!

5. the Hot Dog song from Mickey

6. when I sing to you